Hannaherika’s Weblog

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Private Loneliness July 10, 2008

Filed under: personal — hannaherika @ 1:18 pm

“All sound has died out, and the cold, dark night fills the room. Unable to get to sleep, holding on to the covers. Suddenly, that’s when it strikes, as if your chest is being squeezed and wanted to cry. A painful and uneasy feeling. From the depths of the heart, a thing called “loneliness” will come

-Kyoichi Kanzaki (Boys Be)

More…

I don’t want to spread hate on my blog or whatever. If I’m depressed, alone or lonely I seek other stuff to do. I used to drag my girl friends to go malling or party… Ask my boyfriend to please go with me and watch a movie or something… or ask family to go outing…

But when tough times come and I just find myself lonely… with no friends to call because they’re either in Bacolod, Thailand or US… With no Tatonsky to make kulit to ‘coz Vinzmeistah is on US vacation… and the age gap with me and my family…

I couldn’t be dependent all the time to the people around me… So I self-heal just like snorlax… Sometimes I’d rather be just sitting atop the corner of the building (don’t worry I’m not the kind who’d jump I’d rather sleep and die), and just have my iPod nearby and listen to Bob Marley, Jason Mraz, 311, Sublime, Hemp Republic then I’d get high just by listening. Then I dance… One of the reasons why I love going at clubs is because of the music and the dancing! I don’t drink much because I have the *asian flush*

See that’s why I love buying gadgets! Surely they are an investment! Without them I think I’d have killed myself already! See how pathetic I’ve been… eating alone… walking alone… Malling and shopping alone… I even thought of watching a movie alone… Like I haven’t seen Wanted, Hulk and Hancock yet.

With no energy to fill and no willingness to feel, I now have become numb.

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